Bob the Tenno
by Kryosis
Summary: Follow Bob, your average everyday Tenno, as he tries to make sense of the new world he has awakened to.
1. Chapter 1

_"For generations you slept, no purpose, no call to wake you…"_

 _"…the Grineer are spreading, they hunt for the one thing that could destroy them."_

 _"_ _ **YOU."**_

The cryopod chamber, old and decayed, but still golden and glistening. There stood the cryopod, suspended in mid-air, inside lies our particular Tenno. In the cold, golden Orokin age, his enemies knew him as a bringer of destruction, and to his friends, they respectfully referred to him as…Bob. Bob the Tenno, after decades of cryostatis sleep, was slowly regaining his consciousness.

"Cold…damp…dusty…I'm so getting a refund from that cryopod store.", Bob thought as he wyrmed inside the pod.

Suddenly, his neuroptics' transmission receiver sprung to life, and with it a familiar voice.

 _"Wake up, Tenno.",_ it was a woman's voice.

 _"I am the Lotus. I will guide you, but we must hurry. Vor is coming for you. I see the cryosleep has taken your memory. It does not matter. You are Tenno. I will prepare you."_

"…five more minutes.", Bob dismissed the voice in his head.

 ** _"I, WILL, PREPARE, YOU."_**

Bob's eyes immediately shot open. The voice, soothing and calming, somehow just sounded more menacing than a Juggernaut's howl.

But before another thought can cross his head, Bob's cryopod suddenly bursted open.

Bob landed on the ground with a loud **_THUNK_**.

"HEY, WHAT GIV-"

In front of Bob is a Grineer battalion, with every gun aimed at his head, among other vital places.

"Hahaha…this is so embarrassing. Wait…were you guys watching me sleep? Creeeeepy!"

Ignoring Bob's remark, one of the Grineer approached him. This one looked different from the rest, presumably their commander. Bob tried to move, only to find that his Warframe is dried of energy, he could only lie there helplessly in a weird twisted pose. The Grineer took out a strange device.

"Hey, hey! No touchy! We haven't even got to first base! Are yo- **OWIE!"** , the device was already firmly planted into Bob's left leg before he can finish his sentence.

"You're my prize now, Tenno.", said the Grineer commander.

"Oh great. Five minutes out of bed and I'm already somebody's sex slave, good job me. Worst, day, ever."

As the Grineer walked away, the voice, Lotus' voice, spoke again.

 _"What has he done to you? I can't lose another Tenno. I am surging your Warframe's power systems."_

And just like that, a huge jolt of energy surged through Bob's Warframe, the Excalibur, sort of like that time Bob drank 6 cans of energy drink at once. He briefly wondered if his Warframe has a hidden compartment containing Red Bulls.

"Mwuahaha! Lights out, losers! Prepare to eat my **EXALTED BLADE!** "

Bob clasped his hands together, and began to unsheathe a blade of pure light out of nowhere while laughing maniacally. But just as Bob about to completely form the blade…it vanished out of his hand, just like that, _"poof"._

"Hahaha…w-wait what? How come I can't use Exalted Blade? N-no…don't tell me…"

Bob nervously glanced at the upper right corner of his HUD, his fears confirmed.

 **SHIELD: 100 HEALTH: 100 – UNRANKED EXCALIBUR**

"UNRANKED EXCALIBUR? What the hell man? I had five formas in this thing! Is this the effect of sleeping in that cheap ass cryopod? Ok..ok, calm down, deep breaths, dee **\- I HAD FIVE FORMAS IN THIS THING!** "

Bob, in pure rage then, proceeded to behead the Grineer battalion with Slash Dash, grabbed some weapons on his way out, beheaded four dozens more Grineer (and t-bagged some of the more unfortunate ones), then stowed away on a stolen Liset.


	2. Chapter 2

" **TENNO SKOOM!** ", screamed the Grineer Butcher as it charged into Bob, only to get four Kunai knives to the face. As its body was being pinned to the wall, it dropped something.

"Sweet! A gold mod!", Bob happily picked it up, only to frown at his newly acquired *damaged* Continuity.

Bob is on a mission to free one of these…"black market scumbags" (Corpus merchants), as Ordis, his ship Cephalon, likes to call them. As much as Bob likes Cephalons, Ordis sounds like it was going to initiate the Liset's self-destruct at any given moment should Bob sneezes wrong. The thought of such possibility scares Bob as he took down another Grineer, all the while still mumbling profanities about his lost Formas.

…he had five Formas in that thing.

"How come all these Grineer are conveniently facing the other way?", thought Bob while his Skana pierced another unsuspecting Butcher.

Everything went surprisingly smooth and Bob got into the Grineer Gulag (prison) with minimum alarms triggered. Actually he triggered about five alarms on his way in, but that's a small number comparing to Bob's alarm triggering record. After struggling with the 4-button Grineer console, our Tenno finally managed to open the prison door that has been holding the Corpus merchant, Darvo, captive. As soon as the door opened, Darvo was already standing there, ready to get out.

"You're Darvo? I've come to-", Bob was then interrupted mid-sentence.

"Wait, no, don't tell me. Let's see, you were just awoken from cryosleep, then Vor put an Ascaris on you, but then you managed to escape so now you have to free me in order to get my Ascaris Negator blueprint?"

"Uh…does this happen a lot?"

"Four times a week, I don't know how Vor did it. But let's just go back, I might be able to catch the last episode of my favorite sitcom, "How I met your merchant". And your Ascaris Negator, I prepared a closet packed with those things."

Another five minutes of gunfire and Grineer screaming **"GET CLEM"** , they escaped the Gulag.

"Come visit me in the Relays sometimes, I got hot deals on Stalker's stuffs.", Darvo said as Bob's Liset made its way to a Relay.

"...Stalker?", a confused Bob asked.

"Oh, right, uh...spoilers, sorry. But just come, I always got discounts on stuffs, don't ask me how."

After dropping Darvo off on one of the Relays, Bob rushed to his Foundry to build his life-saver, the Ascaris Negator.

But as Bob's luck would allow it, turned out the Ascaris is rigged and Bob faces imminent death if he can't get to Vor in time. And where is Vor? Bob decided to ask the Grineer hotline.

"Hello, Grineer hotline, how can we help you?", came the female Grineer's voice.

"Ah…uh…Tenno skoom! Glory to the Queens! Uh…Corpus sucks! …where's Captain Vor?", said Bob in his best Grineer voice.

"I…think he's on Mercury right now? Who's askin- **BZZZT"**

Bob hung up.

"Ordis, set course for Mercury, I got some karma to dish out."


	3. Chapter 3

Blazing heat, spreading fires, scorched Grineer. Bob pushed on in the chaos, having no idea what's happening.

Just seconds ago, he was enroute to Vor's location, but apparently someone was already ahead of him, and Bob got in mid-mission, being greeted by this fiery scene.

"...help...", a weak voice called out from beyond the orange mist.

Bob tried to work out where the voice came from, but to no avail. Not too surprising considering his navigation skills.

"OH MY GOD I'M RIGHT ON YOUR LEFT, ARE YOU BLIND OR SOMETHING?", came the voice, this time *a little bit* more loudly.

Bob immediately turned to the left, but still saw nothing.

"...your other left."

The voice belonged to a Volt, he was bleeding out and being surrounded by two Grineer troopers. Hovering above the Volt is the bleedout countdown, his doom only 7 seconds away. Bob activated his 2nd ability, quickly pointed his Exalted Blade into the air and produced a blinding flash that incapacitated the two Grineer. Bob gave the troopers some Braton leads and revived Volt.

"Was an Ember or Scorch here?", asked Bob as he pull Volt up.

"Not really, no.", came the answer.

"Then why is it like a malfunctioning oven in here?"

"I accidentally shot an explosive barrel...twice. And the third barrel went off when I tried to zap one of them.", Volt explained, pointing at the dead Grineer troopers.

"...you have a thing for barrels or something?", Bob asked Volt with a worried look on his face.

"Not really, no."

Bob sighed: "Anyhow, what's your name? Looks like we're gonna kick Vor's butt together."

Volt took a deep breath.

"xXPussySlayer360NoScope420BlazeItXx"

Bob winced: "...say what?"

"You can also call me Dave.", said Dave the Volt.

* _five minutes later*_

"Vor!", exclaimed Dave.

"Fools! Do you realize your Lotus has sent you to die?"

"But that Ascaris thing's gonna kill us anyways, so...anything goes?", said Bob.

"Hmm, yeah, you got a point there.", Vor and Dave agreed with Bob.

*another five minutes later*

"Zap him or something!", Bob called out to Dave.

"I'm trying! You keep doing the *pew pew* thing with your gun!", Dave shouted back.

"It's called shooting!"

"I know! Duh!"

*and another five minutes*

"Why aren't you immune to his zaps!? Isn't controlling electric your thing!?"

"Well yea!? Frosts get frozen and Embers get burned all the time!"

"Oh right...good point. Keep doing the *pew pew* thing then."

"It's called shooting!"

"That's what I said, duh!"

*a lot of "pew pew" later*

Bob was breathing heavily: "Vor's almost down for good!"

Dave placed a hand on Bob's shoulder.

"Alright, here's the plan. I'm gonna Rush you, take out your Skana and give Vor hell."

Bob nodded as a cyan spark erupted from Dave's hand. A surge of energy entered Bob's Warframe, the Excalibur, as he enter hyper speed. Bob charged at Vor, easily dodged all of Vor's shock mines and delivered a flurry of Skana slashes straight at the Grineer Captain. Vor took out his Void key, the Janus, and attempted to teleport out of the danger zone.

"Dang it, almost have him! Dave, do something!"

Dave did a back handspring and collected an energy orb behind him.

"Already on it!"

Dave channeled the energy he acquired into his hand and casted Shock. Zapped, Vor was momentarily immobilized and unable to defend himself.

"That's it Bob! Finish that bastard off!"

On cue, Bob materialized his signature weapon, the Exalted Blade, while dashing into Vor to perform Slash Dash. Caught between Shock and Slash Dash, Vor's health finally hit zero. The Grineer Captain succumbed to the edge of Excalibur's beam saber, and was cut into halves.

Dave glanced at Bob: "...we won?"

Bob looked at Vor's severed upper body.

"...we won."

"So...we're not gonna die?"

"Yeah."

And the two Tenno hugged and screamed in unison:

" **WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE! YAAAAAAAAY!** "


	4. Chapter 4

**"YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES."**

That's all there is to the message. No sender, no return address, no meaning...except for a picture of an odd looking red helmet attached next to Vor's name.

"Ordis? Where did you get this?", asked Bob.

"While you were out on the field protecting yellow drills that fell out of the sky, Operator, there was a Warframe with a red Liset that delivered the mail."

"Red Liset? Did the frame say anything?"

"Let me replay audio data."

*begins audio recording*

"Hello? Is anyone home?", spoke a rusted, shadowy voice.

"I am Ordis, ship Cephalon. Are you a * **FILTHY ROBBER* *bzzzt*** visitor?"

"Delivery from StalkEx."

"Ah! Wonderful, the Operator should be delighted. I shall ***TAKE IT FROM YOUR FILTHY HANDS*** receive it on his behalf."

*ends audio recording*

"Well, that wasn't much help."

" ***YOU UNGRATEFUL BA-*** I'm so sorry Operator, I couldn't be of use."

Bob put a hand on his chin and assumed his "I'm thinking" pose. Then, he pointed a finger to the air in a cartoonish fashion, the only thing missing would be a magical lightbulb floating on his head.

"This must be...a secret admirer!", Bob claimed excitedly.

*the next day*

"I don't know man, it seems fishy.", said Dave as he electrocutes another dozen of Infested Chargers.

"What else could it be? Words of our exploits must've spread far and wide. Trust me, soon we'll have a whole fanbase.", Bob talked between the slashes of his Exalted Blade.

Derelict Defense became so trivial after Bob finally (re)acquired his 4th ability, at least for the first few waves.

Suddenly, Bob felt a chill down his spine.

"...snow?", said Dave.

The two Tenno turned back to the pod they were protecting, to find a third Tenno standing there.

"Yo guys, wassup.", said the Frost as he waved his hand.

"Oh, hey man. I'm Bob, this is Dave."

"Cool man, I'm Steve."

"Hi Steve.", said Dave.

The Tenno continued to exchange small talks under the comfort of Steve's Snowglobe.

*Wave 10*

"How's your new secondary, Bob? You just built a Furis right?", Dave asked.

"Automatic guns are my jam!"

*Wave 15*

"An Ember here would be nice.", Bob said after he got dragged around by a Disruptor Ancient.

"Dude.", Steve fell back into the Snowglobe.

"I was chilling with an Ember yesterday. That booty was as hot as the flames it dishes out."

"Dude! Ni~~ce!", exclaimed Bob.

*Wave 20*

"Steve, man, I haven't met a single girl since I woke up.", Bob lamented.

"Same here.", said Dave.

But before the Tenno can continue to lament their lack of female presence...the lights flickered.

"Okay, I know we're in Infested territory, but someone really ought to hire an electrician.", complained Steve.

Bob's transmission receiver sparked.

"An incoming transmission...neat! It must be the electrician."

Then, the rusted, shadowy voice came.

 **"I know your every move..."**

 **"The murder of Vor will not go unpunished..."**

 **I AM YOUR RECKONING!** "

"So...what did he say?", asked a curious Dave.

"I'm...not so sure, either the signal's really bad, or the guy has throat cancer. I heard something about...cake bonding (reckoning)?", replied a confused Bob.

"Cake bonding?", Steve scratched his head. "Is it somebody's birthday?"

"Not me.", Bob shook his head.

"Mine was last month.", said Dave.

Suddenly, black clouds of smoke appeared amidst the Infested. Emerged inside is a Warfr- No, something akin to the Warframe, but not quite so. The being slowly reached for the scythe weapon on its back...and calmly sliced the three Disruptor Ancients nearby in halves. Three Tenno looked at the strange entity, their neuroptics identified it as... **Stalker.**

However, something was odd. Bob blinked his eyes. A weird red helmet...?

"Guys...", Bob gestured to his squad.

 **"It's my secret admirer!"**


	5. Chapter 5

"Bob! Can I please have your autograph!?", screamed a Mag.

"No! I was here first! I'm getting Bob's autograph first! Right Bob!?", a Nyx intervened.

"It's only fair, that we let Bob here decide who is worthy of his autograph, is~that~right?", a rather...voluptuous Saryn said as she scooted ever closer to our protagonist.

"Ladies, ladies, please, don't fight over me, there's enough for everyone.", Bob proclaimed as he put his arms over Nyx and Mag.

The ladies screamed in unison:

 **"WE LOVE YOU BOB!"**

"Come on girls, let us go back to my Liset and...w-why are you spraying green gas into my face?"

A steady stream of gas was being sprayed into Bob's face.

Then...voices. Bob began to hear voices, familiar voices.

"..."

"...b."

"...ob."

 **"BOB!"**

Bob gasped as he opened his eyes.

Our esteemed Tenno was on the ground, his lower half pointing skyward, arms and legs twisted as if they were dying snakes.

"Geez Bob, you were out cold for just 17 seconds and you're drooling already.", Dave said with rather evident traces of irritance in his voice.

"Huh? W-what happened?", asked a confused Bob, still lying on the ground.

"Your 'secret admirer' just knocked you out cold, in a quick and efficent fashion too.", Steve chided.

"...oh."

*five minutes ago*

"Your...secret admirer?"

Dave looked rather suspicious of Bob's statement.

"Yeah man, here, look, I still have the letter", said Bob as he projected Stalker's message for the other two to see.

Steve put a hand on Bob's back: "Dude, this looks more like a death threat."

The Excalibur brushed off Steve's remark: "You guys are just 'jelly' that I have a secret admirer, here, I'll prove it to you."

Bob said that as he confidently strode over to the shadowy figure and extended a hand out for a handshake.

"Cool suit man, I'm Bob, but I'm sure you already know, nice to mee-"

Stalker already raised his scythe over Bob's head.

*back to the present*

"Yeah...so I take it he wasn't my secret admirer.", Bob admitted sheepishly.

Dave and Steve sighed in unison: "Duuuuh."

 _"Tenno, extraction is ready."_ , Lotus reminded the three-man squad.

"Alrighty, you can lick your wounds later, Bob. Let's pack up and get out.", said Dave while he was trying to stiff his laugh.

"Hey, I saw that."

"Sorry dude, your secret admirer was too much...HAHAHAHA, oh gosh, this is GOLD, I'm telling you, the folks back home are gonna love this story.", the Volt finally lost control of his laugh.

Something inside Bob finally clicked, as he raised his Furis at Dave.

"B-Bob...careful with that, w-what are you trying to do?"

"T-they won't know what happen, I-I'll tell them it was an accident, a case of misfire, yeah? Y-you'll perish for a greater good..."

Dave casted Rush and began to dart for extraction.

 **"DAAAAAVE! I JUST WANT TO TALK!"** , screamed Bob as he Slash Dashed at Dave's direction.

 **"YOU'RE TRYING TO MURDER ME!"**

The sounds of gunfire mixed with lightnings echoed within the halls of the Orokin Derelict.

"Break it up. Cavalry's here, time to bail boys, I just hope Darvo still has some of that cryotic ice cream in stock. Mmm...ice cream, ice cream...", Steve the Frost kept repeating "ice cream" to himself for a good long while.

Bob and Dave stared at the sub-zero warrior.

None dared to say a thing.


	6. Chapter 6

Bob and Dave stood still, dumbstruck as they behold the strange creature in front of them.

"U-um...I'm still pretty new to this, I hope we can help each other out!"

She was a rather shy Nova.

"Yes! Leave it to us! Let's create beautiful memories together!", blurted Bob as Dave shook Steve's hand profusely.

"Oh great Orokin, Steve, you're a godsend, she's a total hottie.", Dave whispered to his friend, still in the process of shaking the guy's hand.

Steve tapped the Volt's shoulder: "It's the least I could do, I owe you guys for helping me collect all that cryotics...mmm, yes, nothing's like having 2 tons of cryotic ice cream under the Sun of Mars..."

Bob turned around just in time to catch his new friend in his (in)famous trance. He beckoned Dave:

"Is he...?"

"Yeah, he was talking about the excavation mission before drifted off to ice cream land."

"You better do something before he achieves ascension, last time that happened he phased into the Rift Plane on his own...somehow. I shiver at the possibilities."

"Hahaha, remember how that Limbo totally freaked out when we told him what happened?"

*flashback*

Bob called the Limbo's HQ, RiftTek, to find out how to bring Steve back from the Rift.

"RiftTek technical support, you're speaking to Henry, how may I help you?"

"Our friend is stuck in the Rift Plane and we can't get him out.", Bob explained.

Henry chuckled: "Ah, that's simple then, he only needs to roll out of it."

"He's kind of...not responding right now, so we think we need to fetch him back to our side first."

"Oh, I...see, in that case, you can just ask the Limbo that banished him to pull him back."

Bob pauses.

"Well, you see...he kind of phased into the Rift on his own."

"Ah, so he's also a Limbo, us Limbo don't suffer side effects from long exposures to the Rift, you don't have to worry about that."

"No, he's a Frost."

"...pardon me? I think I misheard you."

"Our friend, he's a Frost."

Henry began to sound rather unsteady: "A Frost...banished himself?"

"Yeah, he just stood still for...hey Dave! How long has Steve been like this?", Bob asked his friend.

"..."

"So yeah, he's like, completely still for 5 days and we just found him Rift-phased this morning."

"..."

"Uh, Henry? Hello? RiftTek? Anybody there?"

"Y-yes, I was just talking to our manager, we'll dispatch a technician to your location right away..."

Henry's voice kept trailing off.

"Okay, that'd help, we don't have any Limbo nearby, thanks.", said Bob before hanging up.

*flashback ends*

"Man, the Limbo they sent looked like he broke some cold sweats when he brought Steve back.", Dave laughed.

Bob added, "For real, he kept mumbling some kind of formula the whole time. Hmm, when you think about it, RiftTek got the monopoly on the Rift, I guess it'd be normal for them to freak out if a non-Limbo managed to banish himself."

"Wooow, I don't really understand all of it, but it sounds like Steve did something really amazing?", the Nova chimed in.

Dave continued laughing.

"Haha, I guess you could say that. By the way, I don't think we got your name? We kind of trailed off on Steve's incident there. I'm Bob, this is Dave.", said Bob as he pointed to his Volt friend.

"Ah! I'm Mia, nice to meet all of you!"

She was a rather shy Nova.

"Well then, let's wake Steve up with his favorite cryotic ice cream so we can get on with today's missions. Can you get that for us, Mia? There's some in the fridge behind you.", Dave motioned to the container behind Mia's back, carefully labeled "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY".

"Y-yes!"

 ** _That ended up not working and they completed that day's missions without Steve anyway._**


End file.
